Top 10 United Airlines excuses:
1) We had been told that he had farted on the airplane.
2) We had no idea that dragging a 69-year-old man down the aisle would look so bad on a cell phone video.
3) Mistakenly thought the man was an illegal immigrant.
4) We asked nicely.
5) What, you’ve never done this?
6) His luggage was returned to him in perfect condition.
7) He was told repeatedly not to use the bathroom in the first class cabin.
8) This is Chicago, man.
9) It was nothing; you don’t even want to know what else is in the fine print.
10) But the pretzels on this flight were delicious.