Questions Too Big For My Head

Where does your life go? Are you happy? Do you consider yourself a success? Often, we are at the mercy of timing. Often, we put ourselves in the hands of fate.

I think every person has to figure out for themselves what makes them happy. It's different for everyone. Some people want to get married, and raise a family. That's their life's goal. Some folks dedicate themselves to a cause – like ending racism, or saving the planet – in order to try and make the world a better place. A lot of people want to make a good living, to earn a good wage. From my own experiences, I know that my mom loved being a doctor because she wanted to heal people who were sick. A lot of my friends became teachers because they wanted to reach out and make a difference to young people who needed guidance and instruction. We are all guided by different voices, different callings.

And how do we measure these lives? How do we judge them? I guess, what I'm trying to get at here is, What is success? It's a big question. And I'm not going to answer it. I'm going to talk about Andy Marte instead. That's a topic more my speed. That's a subject I think I can handle.

One List Too Many

Andy Marte played in the Major Leagues last year. He didn't have a particularly notable season. It wasn't all that good. He played in 80 games for the Cleveland Indians, batting .221, with 3 homers and 17 RBI's. His OBP was .268, and he slugged .315. You want more offense than that from your starting corner infielder. That's not going to get it done. Those are journeyman numbers, stats that tend to fly under the radar. Most of time, I wouldn't notice a player like that. But I keep track of Andy Marte, to see how he's doing. To see whether we are headed towards a happy ending or not. Me, I'm rooting for the happy ending. I really am.

Andy Marte came to my attention when he made history three years ago. Baseball America named him the top prospect in two different organizations, in the same year. These weren't struggling, middling organizations, mind you, they were development machines. On November 7, 2005 Marte was named the best prospect in the Atlanta Braves organization at a time when they had touted players like Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Yunel Escobar, Chuck James, and Joey Devine in their Top Ten Prospects list. Baseball America's scouting report on Marte was glowing:

“Marte’s stroke has a natural slight uppercut that generates plenty of loft power. The ball jumps off his bat, and he drives the ball to all fields and is capable of hitting tape-measure shots. He’s an aggressive hitter who makes pitchers pay for their mistakes, though he also can hit for a solid average and has patience at the plate. His walk rate increased substantially in 2005. In addition to being the quintessential power hitter at the hot corner, Marte continues to improve upon his above-average skills with his glove. Managers rated him the best defensive third baseman in the International League—the fourth consecutive year he earned that honor in his league. He possesses excellent lateral movement and a strong, accurate arm. The Braves also love Marte’s maturity and even-keeled approach to the game, both of which should lead to a seamless move to the majors once an opening arises.”

Hits for tape-measure power. Hits for average. Has patience at the plate. Named the best defensive third baseman in the league four years in a row. Good maturity and an even-keeled approach. That's a pretty decent scouting profile for a player. In trying to predict Marte's future, Baseball America concluded: “The Braves have little question that Marte will be an impact player in the major leagues.”

Marte was then traded to Boston. And when Baseball America published the Top Ten Prospects list for the Red Sox on January 6, 2006 – less than two months after the Braves write-up – Marte assumed the top position for that franchise as well. It needs to be pointed out that he rose above some pretty tough competition. Seriously, you have no idea. The number ten prospect in the Red Sox system was Clay Buchholz. Number nine was Jed Lowrie. Eight was Manny Delcarmen. Seven was Kelly Shoppach. Six was Jacoby Ellsbury. Five was Dustin Pedroia. Four was Craig Hansen. The number three prospect was Jonathan Papelbon. And the number two prospect for the Red Sox that year was Jon Lester. That's... ridiculous. That's a loaded list. Loaded. All of those guys have gone on to play in the Major Leagues and experience some success. Looking at those names, you see All-Stars, an AL MVP, and two guys who've thrown no-hitters in the Majors. And Andy Marte? He was at the head of the class. He was ranked above them all.

Andy Marte was a great prospect. It's hard to remember that these days, but he really was. Here was a kid better than anyone in the Braves system. Here was a kid better than anyone in the Red Sox system. Here was a kid better than Saltalamacchia and Escobar and Lester and Papelbon and Pedroia. No player had ever been named as the Number One Prospect for two different organizations in the same season. But it's been a difficult, rocky journey for him so far. He hasn't proven he can hit Major League pitching. Yet. He still has a shot, are people are still waiting for him, but the clock is ticking and I would guess that patience is wearing thin.

My Beautiful Reward

I remember my first job out of college. I was hired to work in a publishing house in New York. I think we all tend to remember our “Firsts”, don't we? Our first car. The first kiss. The first broken heart. Well, this was my first real job, and my first steady paycheck. A big step for me.

I had graduated from Harvard in three years, with Honors. When I was accepted to the school, my mom had requested that I complete my studies in three. I told her that I would. We had an agreement. She would take care of the financial end, pay my tuition, and she made sure that I never had to worry about bills. For my part, I had to take care of the academic end, study hard, and graduate a year ahead of schedule. That was the deal. It was a deal made out of necessity. I knew that. My brother and I are a year apart, and we were both going to be in college at the same time. As a family, we couldn't afford that fourth year. No chance. As it was, my mom and my older sisters spent too much time sitting in the dark, waiting in the cold, because they could not afford to pay the electric and heating bills some months, and the utilities would be shut off.

(I didn't know that at the time. They didn't tell me while I was still in school. I only found out about it years after I had graduated. In three years, as promised.)

After graduation, I was spending time with my girlfriend, Kristen, at her mom's house. Kristen and I were talking about living together, moving to New York. I was applying for jobs in the publishing industry at the time, and would go on to land one of those entry-level positions working for Viking and Penguin Books a couple of months later.

Kristen's mom asked me, “What's the starting salary for those jobs in New York?”

I said, “About $18,000 a year.”

She couldn't believe it. Without hesitating, she asked me, “Is that all they're paying Harvard grads these days?” Um... I didn't know how to answer that. Well, I suppose the answer was, “Yes.” Or, more accurately, “That's what they pay entry-level positions in the book publishing industry.” I was a little embarrassed. I knew people expected more of me. I knew I was supposed to take my degree and make more out of it. Sure.

When I took that job as a publicity assistant for Viking/Penguin, in many ways, I was living out my dream. I was living in NYC, working with great authors and fiction and novels and literature. The decision made sense to me. It seemed like a noble calling. It was what I wanted to do. I thought it was a good job.

But I couldn't escape the facts: Harvard Grad. Eighteen grand a year. And I realized that sometimes the choices we make for ourselves, the decisions we make to pursue our personal happiness, lead other people to conclude that we aren't succeeding. Or, to put it less kindly, that we are failing. That we are failing at life.

I don't know if you've ever felt that kind of judgment, but it's not a good feeling. I wouldn't recommend it. Not at all.

Weird Facts

(Weird Fact Number One: The funny thing about Andy Marte's distinction as the only player to be named the Top Prospect for two different organizations in the same year is that it is completely attributable to a quirk in publishing deadlines. Baseball America doesn't publish their organizational lists simultaneously. They release them one at time, staggering them, starting with each team from one league in November, taking a break through the holidays, then moving on to the other league in January.

In odd-numbered years, like 2005 and 2007, Baseball America starts in the American League then moves to the National. In even-numbered years, they reverse things. It's an arbitrary choice, and the schedule could just as easily be arranged the other way around. But if Baseball America had been scheduled to start with the American League in 2006, Marte would not have ended up at the top of two lists. No. Instead, he would have appeared on none. He would have been a member of the Braves when the Red Sox prospects were named, so he wouldn't have appeared there. And he would have been a member of the Red Sox when the Atlanta list was released, so he would have missed that window of opportunity as well.

Even-numbered years or odd ones. Starting with the National League or the American. It was the difference between Marte making two lists, instead of none. How would that have changed things for him? I don't know. I guess he would have been the same exact player, with the same exact abilities – but with a whole different set of expectations.)

(Weird Fact Number Two: In the same off-season that Marte was traded from the Braves to the Red Sox, he was traded one more time. Boston sent him to the Cleveland Indians, in exchange for centerfielder Coco Crisp. And, when that happened, the editors of Baseball America noted that he was considered the Top Prospect in the Indians' system.

But he didn't make the Cleveland list – because it had already been published only four days earlier.

What if the timing was different? What if those four days disappeared? What if Baseball America had named Andy Marte the Top Prospect for three different organizations in the same year? How would that have changed things for him? I'm not sure. He would have been the same exact player, with the same exact abilities – but I suppose it's possible that the notoriety and the expectations would be even greater for him than they are today...)

(Weird Fact Number Three: When I was in College, I lived in the same House as Matt Damon, Lowell House. He was just a young, unknown actor at the time, hustling for parts. In the years after I graduated, when I was making between $18 to $22,000 a year, he wrote, starred in, and won an Oscar for the movie “Good Will Hunting.” For a long time, I could not bring myself to watch any Matt Damon movies. They made me feel resentful. They made me feel inadequate. They made me feel ashamed. And I know that this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I realized I had made an emotional breakthrough in my life once I could start watching Matt Damon movies without feeling waves of existential angst washing over me. True story.)

These Parallels Lines

Last year, Andy Marte played in 80 games for the Cleveland Indians, batting .221, with 3 homers and 17 RBI's. His OBP was .268, and he slugged .315. You want more offense than that from your starting corner infielder. That's not going to get it done. You expect more from the first man to be named the Number One Prospect of two different organizations in the same season.

After graduating college, I worked as a publicity assistant for Viking/Penguin Books. My salary was $18,000. It was a big step for me, my first time living on my own, my first job, my first steady paycheck. But I knew what most people thought – That's not going to get it done. They expected more from a kid who graduated from Harvard in three years, with Honors. The world expected more out of me.

Society can create labels. Expectations can come from external sources, sources that you can't control. We can't control how people judge us. It's out of our hands.

What makes you a success?

Damned if I know. No idea. It's a question too big for me. I can't possibly begin to answer it. I'm just here to talk about Andy Marte.

The Season Ahead

I look at Andy Marte and I wonder what's going to happen. In many ways, he is living out his dream. Born in the Dominican Republic, he is a 25 year-old athlete, playing in the Major Leagues. At the moment, he seems to be at the top of the Indians' depth chart. He has an opportunity to be their starting third baseman at the beginning of next season. And yes, I'm going to keep track of him, to see how he's doing. To see whether we are headed towards a happy ending or not.

Me, I'm rooting for the happy ending.

I really am.

If you have any thoughts you want to share, I would love to hear from you. I can be contacted at roeltorres@post.harvard.edu. Thank you.